Most of my friends know that I am completely supportive of gay rights. I mean, some of my best friends are gay, and how could I discriminate against them? Anyway, I woke up this morning, checked facebook, and was notified that I had been tagged in my friend Arnold's note, which essentially said that he was disappointed in his "friends" who took away his rights by voting Yes on Proposition 8, and kindly asked them to simply remove themselves from his friends, as they obviously couldn't be his true friends if they discriminated against him.
This was a response he received, from a girl he was friends with in high school:
"Just because I vote one way does not mean I disapprove of or find anyone less deserving then myself. It's simply not what I believe and I have to stand up for what I believe in. It is not in any way preventing you from living your life, simply following definitions that were set in stone from the beginning. You're going back on your own desire for respect by rejecting those of us who did vote yes on 8. You shouldn't bend to others pressure and neither will we. Respect that there is a difference and rather then fighting it via child-like protests, organize and figure out a way to make both parties happy. All this BS is just making everyone look like a bunch of kids throwing a fit because they didn't get their way after two statewide votes rejecting your "new" definition of marriage. Obviously it isn't as universal of a thought as you'd like to see and, regardless of how much complaining you do, it won't change until a happy medium is found. Now if you feel you still have to delete me from your friends list, go right ahead. I would hate to see a friendship end over politics but I have to say it wouldn't be the first time in my life. I just hope you don't burn all your bridges to the other side because you will no longer have a path on which to communicate your ideas and you'll be stuck right where you are until you rebuild those bridges.
Best wishes for the end of the semester."
That is a direct quote, please do not assume that I made those grammatical errors. I assure you, that is not the case.
I was horrified. I was mad. I mean, how could somebody, a friend even, say such things to another? But as soon as my anger dissipated, I was sad. And, of course, I had to call Arnold, who I had a fabulous conversation with, while I typed up a response. So, I suppose, here are my thoughts on gay marriage, in response to a Conservative Christian's argument against it:
First off, I want to preface this by saying that this is not a personal attack; I am just addressing some inconsistencies in your argument and adding my two cents. Secondly, knowing that you "believe" is great, but this would be a lot easier if I knew what denomination, as the Christian churches are quite varied. I was raised ELCA Lutheran, and although I am no longer practicing, I still apply many of the moral guides I learned as a child at church to my daily life.
With that said, in your first sentence, you write that although you voted yes on Proposition 8, you don't "disapprove of or find anyone less deserving [than] myself." (Yes, I do fix grammatical errors when I quote things. Sorry, it's a Type A thing.) By voting yes on 8, however, that is EXACTLY what you said at the polls. You said that you disapprove of gay marriage, and that homosexual citizens of this state do not deserve the right to marry.
You then continue by saying that voting yes on Proposition 8 does not prevent Arnold from living his life. Because of Christian voters (many of whom were misinformed by the Yes on 8 propaganda that was floating around on televisions, in newspapers, and across doorways), who voted according to their religious beliefs and not according to upholding our nation’s Declaration of Independence (yes, I do mean that document that says that “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” ) or the Constitution, Arnold CANNOT get married in the state of California. I don’t know about you, but when I was a child, I dreamt of getting married one day and spending the rest of my life with one person. I’d say that being told that you can’t get married because other people say you love the wrong person DOES, in fact, prevent Arnold from living his life completely.
Before you take offense to my use of the term propaganda, let me explain my reasoning. The Yes on Proposition 8 Campaign had a brilliant advertising strategist. They appealed to Christian moral values and encouraged you to “protect marriage.” However, as a future elementary educator, I was incredibly put off by the argument that they provided, stating that gay marriage was going to be taught in California schools if the proposition passed. This was never true. If you look at the curriculum requirements in the state, marriage is NOT taught in elementary education as the advertisements suggested. Even if that were to change, California is a state that respects the rights of parents to decide if and when their children should be presented with “controversial” matter (as currently optioned sex education). They also stated in their television advertisements that if Proposition 8 passed, churches would be forced to perform gay marriages, and, that if they refused, the priest/pastor/other church leader who refused could be arrested. This is also not true. First off, churches, as private institutions, can provide extra services to those whom they choose. Can they discriminate based on sexuality? Sure. Do I agree? No, but that is their right as religious institutions. If the couple does not meet their requirements to be married (and this occurs for straight couples as well), the church is not required to marry them. Finally, civil unions do not grant all of the benefits of marriage. Over 1,100 FEDERAL rights are not granted to couples who have a civil union in the state of California.
In the same sentence, you say that you were simply following definitions that were “set in stone.” Can you imagine what life here would be like if our founding fathers had said that? We’d still be an English colony. But because they were willing to fight for the rights we cherish today, we live in the United States of America. In 1896, in Plessy v. Ferguson, the U.S. Supreme Court said that segregation was in fact, a protected right, and it was, in fact, employed in the public sector. Only one Justice argued against this decision. Are you saying that we should still be “separate but equal?” Since I know you went to one of the most diverse high schools in California, I doubt you would say that, even though this was written in stone in our history, that it should be. When we were founded as a nation, voting rights were defined as being earned by white, male, 21 years old, landowners. Had Susan B. Anthony and the rest of the forerunners of the Women’s Suffrage movement, neither of us would be able to vote. Would you be willing to give up that right to go back to the way it was originally? Our nation was founded on the belief that things CHANGE. It is that very belief that caused the men who wrote the Constitution to create a “living, breathing document.”
You also call gay rights activists childish, saying that their protests are not organized and that they “look like a bunch of kids throwing a fit because they didn’t get their way.” Since you live in Pennsylvania (Allentown is 2,689 miles from Los Angeles), I sincerely doubt that you have been present at a single gay rights protest, and calling a group of individuals “child-like,” when you have not been present to witness the extreme organization and peaceful protests that have ensued since November 4, shows your lack of perspective. I had the pleasure of being in San Francisco on November 15 for a school fieldtrip to the Asian Art Museum, which is located directly across the street from the SF City Hall. I have never seen such a large, peaceful protest where gay and straight supporters rallied together against discrimination. I surely didn’t see any individuals screaming or crying uncontrollably because they didn’t “get their way.” Also, any individual expressing their opinion with a valid argument cannot be childish, as young children, especially when they are throwing a tantrum, lack the ability to reason.
I understand that your argument is a moral one, and I doubt that whatever I say you will ever be an accepting, loving person because you cannot accept or truly love Arnold if you believe that he is wrong for loving somebody. With that said, you have the ability to practice your beliefs because we live in a democracy which, according to the 1st Amendment, allows all individuals to express and practice their religions. However, by voting yes on Proposition 8, you said that even though every single Californian does not share your religious beliefs, they should be held to YOUR Religious Law. Even though not all religions say that homosexuality is wrong or sinful, that does not matter, because your beliefs are right and theirs are wrong. I am not going to tell you that your god does not exist, nor am I going to insist that other religions are the “true” belief system. However, I wish you could practice tolerance, and realize that gay marriage does not hurt you in the slightest.
I imagine that you have some issues with my comments, and, since this is America, I’m glad you have the right to express them. I welcome all comments, but please try to maintain civility as I feel that I have.
Now, of course I still haven't gotten a response, nor do I expect one. But today was the first time I was passionate about anything in quite a while. And even if it was just about defending my friend's right to happiness, it made me happy to CARE about something.
And I got a very nice message in response, from somebody I had never even met, saying that she was blown away by my response, and that she admired my professionalism and my ability to respectfully argue such a controversial issue :)
So that made me happy too. But, I'm still disappointed in the state of California, although I know, eventually, we will see equal rights for everybody. That will be a day to celebrate. But for now, we must wait.
